Grades

Despite being a man who lives quite untidily, doesn't mind tasks being left unfinished (if it won't inconvenience anybody and the world won't come to a premature end as a result), and tends to put things off repeatedly until the last minute, I'm beginning to realise there's a streak of perfectionism within me.

I'm frustrated when I'm awarded decent grades that are above average. This is because there's higher available and I didn't achieve them.
I'm frustrated that I don't always find ways to word things economically and accurately even though the idea might be sat in my head.
Equally I can often have a great idea within my head but relaying it verbally eludes me. Double whammy.

The only ways to get my point across in class or in essays are handicapped by the tangled spaghetti of thoughts and my inability to untangle them effectively. This again means lower grades.

But if I'm getting decent grades then why am I worried? Because I'm reasonably sure if I knew how to say what I want to say then I could achieve more. I am my own limitation, and I've no idea how to fix it. For sure not putting things off would help in a major way - but that extra half hour on a little more comedy, that extra glass of wine, it can't hurt... Oops!

I'm my own worst enemy.

Time to grow up, perhaps? Less play, more work? Accept my limitations? I hope the answer to all these is a resounding "No!". I wonder if it would be any easier if I had any clue at all what the hell I want to do when the next four years are over? How can I be focused and driven, like some of the kids on this course that I'm beginning to admire, when I don't know what I'm focusing on and driving towards?

So easy to say "sod it!" and open another bottle of wine, and let Mr Château Musar take care of the dark ideas for a while longer. Maybe not at £25 a bottle. Might be a while before I can replenish stocks!

Just like my essays - I've rather wandered off point. Gone from self-critique and introspection to (mental) self-flagellation and morbidity in under 300 words. Oops x2! :)