Listening skills, and getting away with embarrassing mistakes.

I learned today that perhaps I need to listen more carefully in future...

As I sat outdoors by the smoking bins, waiting for a lift from the university library to a building way across campus, there were two female students nearby who were deep in conversation. It seemed largely vacuous and none of my business, so I filtered it out to the best of my ability.

Minutes later Student No.1 suddenly turned to face me, addressing me with the following question: "Do YOU think I should I get new boobs?".

Slightly taken aback by my sudden involvement as a third party in a private conversation, and surprised that a quite attractive young lady should boldly offer what is quite an intimate question to a complete stranger who is simply there by coincidence, I unthinkingly but unselfishly made a split second not to feign deafness. Indeed I would answer her question.

I took a brief look at her chest area which was clothed in the modern style, i.e. mostly covered though with close fitting clothes that are moderately revealing without being tarty. Care was taken not to look too long or intently that I might appear pervy, but long enough to formulate a genuine answer with quick but careful consideration. After all, passing poorly considered comment on such an intimate area of a woman's body linked so closely to self image would be a crass and boorish thing to do (Aren't I lovely! Aherm).

With one of my operating brain cells fixed on polite gentlemanly conduct, another on appropriate terms of flattery for a stranger, a third on the surprising nature of her enquiry, and the remaining half dozen on her perfectly attractive breasts, I had made up my mind. I boldly asserted "They seem fine to me. Not too big, not too small. Quite nice really". That would be the end of that! Phew, bacon duly saved.

Except... My questioner looked at me quizzically, while her friend just looked confused (whether or not this was her natural state, I had not taken enough notice beforehand to establish). Eventually she replied by saying "Well obviously they're the right size for my feet already! I'm not gonna wear the wrong size am I? These look so last year though. But thanks though, they are quite nice aren't they."

I fought to prevent my eyes bulging with embarrassment as I realised my mistake, managing a small smile, and a quiet "Yes" to spare my blushes as my internal voice bellowed "Ground, please open up, swallow me, and close up again as fast as you can! She said boots, not boobs!"

I can only assume she thought I was REALLY boz-eyed or something, by virtue of being able to judge the nature of her footwear by staring at her breasts for ten seconds!

As Izzard would say: "True story..."